Funny quotes – 40 funny quotes about life and love

A positive outlook on life is essential in order to enjoy every day. Finding the fun in every situation helps us feel happy and optimistic regardless of the amount of stress or worries we might be feeling. Enjoy the following funny quotes!

1. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. – Abraham Lincoln

2. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. – Rodney Dangerfield

3. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. – Laurell K. Hamilton

4. When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

5. If you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, “I’m just crying because of how wrong you are. – Amy poehler

6. I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that. – Ellen DeGeneres

7. I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

8. Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant. – Scott Adams

9. We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking. – Rick Riordan,

10. I sometimes give myself excellent advice. Occasionally, I even listen to it. – Jim Butcher

11. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

12. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

13. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. – Mark Twain

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFE

Life can sometimes be quite scary and unpredictable, but it is always worth living. It is full of fun and love, moments which we are going to remember for our entire lives. The best way to enjoy life is to treat it as a funny experience, from which you can always learn something useful.

14. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. – Einstein

15. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome. – Isaac Asimov

16. Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days. – Ellen DeGeneres

17. Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny. – Stephen Hawking

18. Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen

19. Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. – Allen Saunders

20. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite

21. I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen

AMUSING QUOTES ABOUT WOMEN

Although men and women are quite different, both men and women can agree that women are without a doubt extremely funny and lively. Enjoy the next collection of funny quotes about women!

22. “When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?” – Maya Banks

23. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? – Milton Berle

24. Man has his will, but woman has her way. – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

25. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

26. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield

27. Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

28. Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. – Bill Cosby

29. Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

30. The best way to always get the last word in any argument with your wife or girlfriend? “Yes Dear…”

31. When women go wrong, men go right after them. – Mae West

32. Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected

33. Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

SHORT FUNNY QUOTES

Although short, the following quotes are full of humour and wise ideas, so take your time and enjoy these short quotes!

34. It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. – Marilyn Monroe

35. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

36. Never miss a good chance to shut up. – Will Rogers

37. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright

38. Funny always makes the bad things go away. – Candace Bushnell

39. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. – Caroline Rhea

40. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. -Abraham Lincoln